


From My Point Of View

by Amehiko



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parenting, Heavy Angst, M/M, i didn't mention their name for a reason, you can imagine their parents as anyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25280734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amehiko/pseuds/Amehiko
Summary: Hyukjae life was never the best, but he found someone who made him feel safeTW// ABUSE
Relationships: Kim Jongwoon | Yesung/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk
Kudos: 19





	From My Point Of View

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this when i had a bad mood the other day, it's a mixed of personal experience and fiction.  
> also you can imagine Hyuk parents as anyone, i had siwook in mind when i wrote this, but since i'm not a big fan of making a certain character the bad guy, i never mentioned their names in this.

Dad is home late again, he has been coming home late for the past week, missing our family dinner. Donghae kept asking papa why dad is coming home late everyday, i feel bad for papa he looks as confused as we are, i always try to shush Donghae when he asks questions like that, i don't want papa to be stressed. Dad eventually arrived home at 7pm, i was washing the plates with Donghae and papa when he came home, papa went up to him and asked what was the reason for him to be home late this time, Dad didn't answer instead he yelled at papa to get him a glass of warm water. If Dad asks for warm water he's probably drunk, papa takes a glass of warm water for him, but when he gave it to dad, he drank a little bit of it, but he throw the remaining water in the glass to papa, claiming that it was too hot and how useless he is as a husband. Papa is usually calm when dad is like this, but today papa yelled back at him, saying about how if dad keeps coming home drunk he'll leave. I don't know what to do, I can see Donghae shaking beside me, as an older brother I should protect him. I put down the dishes in the sink and turn to him,

"Donghae, I have cool games in my room. Do you want to go see?"

Donghae eyes lit up and nodded, i take his hand and run to my room, but i took a glance at dad and papa, i saw dad raising his hand to slap papa, and when i finally entered my room, i hear a loud glass break from the living room and a door slamming. 

I hesitated to go out and check on papa because i wasn't sure what was going on out there, the safest bet for me is to call uncle Youngwoon, i'm sure he would know what to do. I opened the door to my room and went to the house phone that was near me. I heard papa crying from the living room, which made me rush to call uncle Youngwoon.

Ring..

Ring..

Ring..

"Hello?"

"Uncle can you come over here quick" i whispered, i'm scared dad will hear me calling and yell at me,

"Hyukjae why are you whispering?"

"Just come over please"

Uncle Youngwoon sighed and said that he'll be over in 5 minutes, I built up courage to see papa in the living room, and what I saw scared me for life. Papa was lying on the ground surrounded by shards of glass that probably came from the broken coffee table. I ran up to him, but when papa saw me, he forced a smile as if showing me that he's okay, even though i know he's not. I grabbed a tweezers and a tissue, and started to remove the glass shards from papa's hands, at least the ones that I can. Not too long after that uncle Youngwoon arrived, he was shocked at what he saw but he quickly called the ambulance, uncle Youngwoon told me to take Donghae and go to his car, i didn't ask any questions, i nodded and went to my room to wake up the sleeping Donghae.

Donghae and I slept over at uncle Youngwoon's house for a week, Uncle said papa is staying at the hospital, Uncle never mentioned anything about Dad so i decided not to ask, my job is just to keep Donghae distracted, he hasn't asked anything yet. Uncle told us we can meet papa, since he has healed, Donghae was overjoyed when he heard he can meet papa again.

But when we arrived at the hospital, papa was with dad, i can hear them talking inside the room, i'm not sure what they were talking about, but when uncle knocked on the door they stopped talking, Donghae ran to Dad's legs to hug him, dad and papa smiled and laugh at donghae's antics. I looked at Uncle Youngwoon's face, i can tell he wasn't happy about something but he hid it with a smile, he urge me to join Donghae, then i look at papa and dad who smiled at me, and that's when i learned adults will lie about their conditions to their children.

  


A year went by, i'm seven now, dad and papa still fight sometimes, but it was usually yelling, they never hurt each other anymore. It was a sunday night, Donghae and i were playing games on our new console that dad bought for my birthday when dad and papa arrived home yelling at each other, Donghae hasn't notice the yelling, so i turn up the volume so he won't hear it, even though i already turn up the volume, i was still able to hear their yelling, i'm scared what if it happens again. I turned off the game, Donghae complained saying that he was almost finished with the level, i take his hand and run to his room,

"Donghae go to bed"

"No! Hae don't want to! My bedtime is at 8 hyukkie~ please let hae play again" he gave me his best puppy face, but that didn't work on me

"If you go to sleep, i will read your favourite story~" i take the finding nemo story book from his shelf, his eyes lit up and he quickly change to his pajama, when he got comfortable i started to tell the story, and not even 5 minutes after i started the story, Donghae was already snoring. Dad and papa were still yelling at each other, I peaked out the door to see what was going on. Papa took off his wedding ring and threw it out of the window, he called dad a  _ 'useless son of a bitch' _ , and went to their shared room and locked the door. Dad was knocking on the door loudly while yelling, it woke up Donghae but I quickly sang him a song that papa used to sing to us when we couldn't sleep.

It's 2 am now, everyone is asleep, i'm outside with a flashlight trying to find papa's ring, it wasn't like papa to do something like this, but i found the ring in the end, it was near the flowers that papa planted a few months ago, the flowers has already wilted now..

The next day when i gave papa his ring when he was accompanying Hae and I to school, he sighed and pocketed it. I asked him, why didn't he wear it, it was something meaningful after all.

"Even though its meaningful, it has a lot of bad memories Hyukjae"

Papa stopped wearing his ring when I was 7 years old.

  


I'm now 9 years old, it was parents day in my school, Dad didn't come, he was too busy, Papa had a fever so he stayed at home, it was probably because dad locked us out of the house, he was really mad because we went to Uncle Youngwoon's house. Speaking of Uncle Youngwoon, he asked me if I wanted him as a replacement parent, but I declined. Uncle Youngwoon is nice, but he's not Dad or Papa. I looked around, the parents are having fun with their children, I wondered what that felt like, having a warm happy family to come home to, but papa always said, there's more than meets the eye. I was so focused on the other family, i didn't realize a boy sat next to me,

"Hey, where are your parents?" 

I turned my head to see, a fifth grade student sitting next to me, he looked very handsome,

"They couldn't come.." 

I looked down in embarrassment, a parents day without your parents? That's just sad, the boy tilted his head, he chuckled. I raised my head up, was he laughing at my misery? 

"Hey why are you laughing!"

"You look cute when you're pouting!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Who was this boy think he is, only papa is allowed to call me cute, I crossed my arms and glared at him, but to be honest being called cute by him made my stomach feel weird, or maybe that was just the expired milk from this morning. The boy ruffled my hair, he stood up and and extended his hand for a handshake,

"I'm Jongwoon, a fifth grade student"

A shaked his hand, his hand was very small for a kid his age, but i guess everyone is different

"Hyukjae, third grade"

I was shocked when he pulled my hand, he was running to the playground, I was trying to catch up, I don't know why but when I held his hand, I felt safe. It felt like he was a guardian angel guarding me from the world, but i'm not sure what i'm saying, maybe i just miss affection. We reached the sandbox, he let go of my hand to play there, I pouted, that feeling disappeared, I wanted it to come back. Jongwoon noticed that i was pouting, he stood up and held my hand again,

"Do you like it when i hold your hand?"

I nodded, it felt like there was a protection bubble when I held his hand, like a barrier from the outside world. He held my hand even more tightly and brought me to play in the sandbox,

"Don't worry Hyukjae, whenever you feel scared, just call me! I'll always hold your hand"

I blushed, I felt something, I don't know what it was, it wasn't something that i feel when papa says he'll always be there for me, or when Uncle Youngwoon says he will scare away the monsters so they don't bother me. It's weird, I don't like this feeling, but I was grateful to meet Jongwoon, he kept his promise for years to come.

  


I'm supposed to enter middle school this year, but a few things happened between dad and papa, now i mostly stay at home and play games, sometimes i help papa but he says he doesn't need help. Dad is also home sometimes, i don't really like him anymore, i don't see him as the strong man who would keep the family safe like i used to years ago, instead i see him as a cheating bastard, whenever papa goes out, dad would pull out his phone to call his secretary, and when his secretary arrive they go inside dad's room and do naughty things. They never go over 15 minutes though, the secretary never got caught by papa, but i have a feeling that he knows what's going on. Hae is always oblivious to what's going on, that's good, I don't want him to know, he's probably the only one who still trusts dad. Anyway, since I'm not going to school, Jongwoon keeps visiting to teach me some school subjects. He's in his last year of middle school now, I don't understand why he would waste his time on me. 

"Hyukjae, can i stay over?"

My eyes widened, with dad and papa fighting every night? I'm sure it wasn't a good idea to let Jongwoon sleep over,

"No, my house is not fun"

Jongwoon frowned, he takes his bag and opened it, inside the bag was a few shirts and pants packed neatly, he smirked at me,

"Too late I already bought my stuff, I'm staying here whether you like it or not!"

Jongwoon stood up and laid down on my bed, he took a comic book that I put on my bedside table and started reading it. I sighed, this is gonna be a long night.

It was when he was cooking when I told papa about Jongwoon staying over, and he almost cut his finger off with the knife when he heard me say it, he asked me if i was being serious, i nodded, he sighed and allowed Jongwoon to stay over. It was dinner time, and Hae was happy to see Jongwoon eating with us, the food that papa cooked was delicious, dad didn't arrive home when we had dinner. Instead he arrived late at 10 pm, Jongwoon and I were about to get ready for bed when we heard a dish breaking and yelling, my eyes widened knowing what was probably happening, my emotions started to whirl, i wanted to cry, i can't handle it anymore. But that's when i felt a hand holding mine, thightly, i looked up to see Jongwoon smiling at me, he opened the window near my bed and pointed to the sky,

"Look, Hyukjae a shooting star! Quick make a wish"

I frowned, Jongwoon was trying to cheer me up and maybe distract me but it wasn't helping. He let go of my hand, that empty feeling came back, just when i was about to whine, he made me look at him,

"Hyukjae, i'm always here for you, i will always be here for you no matter what.."

Tears rolled down my face. I don't understand, why is he so nice to me, why would he care for a broken home child like me. I cried on his shoulders while he hugged me, i'm not sure when but i fell asleep while i was crying. I woke feeling gross, but I also felt like something heavy was lifted from my shoulders. I turned to see Jongwoon still sleeping, and it looked like he was still holding my hand even when I was asleep. Jongwoon woke up a minute later and saw that i was looking at our hands, he yawned and smiled at me,

"I already told you, i'll always be there to hold your hand when you're scared"

  


I'm sixteen now, I'm in my final year of middle school, it was embarrassing to see my friends being a grade above me, but I survived it somehow. Papa doesn't allow Jongwoon to stay over anymore because of the incident when he first slept over, so whenever Dad is mad at papa or when they're fighting, i would always call Jongwoon, i'm at the point where just hearing his voice calms me down, he never complains when i call him three times a week or four times, when i call him, he always had the same answer,

"Hey Hyukjae, i hope you listen to my voice.." And then he would start babbling nonsense, but I don't mind as long as I hear him, I won't complain, just like how he would never complain about me calling him, it keeps me distracted. Anyway, Hae is living with Uncle Youngwoon now, dad said it's something about that would be better for his growth if he stayed with Uncle Youngwoon, just say you don't want your favourite child to see yourself as an abuser dad. Dad and Papa fight more often now, the other night dad almost hit papa with a chair, but thankfully his phone rang and he had to pick it up, i told papa to sleep in my room, and he did. We talked, we haven't had a papa to son talk in awhile, i missed it,

"So hyukjae.. What's going on between you and Jongwoon?"

"We're just friends" i replied, because that's the truth, even though i felt safe with him, even though i always get this weird feeling near him, i'm too scared to label him as anything else,

"Why? I can see that he loves you and you love him right?"

"And you said you love dad, but do you really?" Papa didn't answer,

"I'm scared papa, I don't wanna be.. Like.. I'm sorry for saying this.. But i don't wanna be like you" 

Papa pulled me into a hug, he kissed my forehead, and looked at me

"I can tell Jongwoon loves you very much",

And i frowned, what does papa know about Jongwoon,

"As you always say papa, there's more than meets the eye" I pulled away from the hug and went to bed. Maybe i should visit Jongwoon tomorrow.

I went over to Jongwoon's house, but it was dark inside, maybe he went out with his family? It doesn't matter, I decided to wait for him. 

2 hours passed, he still hasn't come home, should i go home, no he's probably on his way, Jongwoon is a busy person after all. 6 hours passed, i gave up, is he really gonna come home, when i was about to leave his next door neighbor saw me,

"Hyukjae? What are you doing there? Jongwoon moved out of town, haven't you heard?"

Jongwoon moved out? He didn't tell me anything, now that i think of it, he hasn't contacted me in 3 days, every time i tried to call him it would go on voicemail. I thanked the neighbor for the info and ran back home, tears were threatening to fall from my eyes, but I tried to hold it in, I'm strong. I won't cry over Jongwoon leaving suddenly. If people can appear in your life, they can also disappear from it.

  


I'm studying right now because tomorrow is the day where I take the biggest exam in my life, it's my only way to get into a good university far away from here. Dad has gotten worse, he started hitting me too now, every time he's mad at someone he would take it out on me, i don't mind at least he's not hitting papa again, not that i know where papa is anyway, he left one night when i was in grade eleventh, leaving me a note saying he would be home soon, he never came back. I feel alone now, Hae's is still with Uncle Youngwoon, he looks happy there, i'm not gonna tell him to move back, he asked me once if i wanted to stay at Uncle Youngwoon's house, but i declined. If i go there.. There would be no one to take care of dad. Don't ask about Jongwoon, he never contacts me anymore, he left without saying anything, i want to hate him for doing that, i really do, but i can't. When i was about to open my book, dad yelled my name, i sighed, it's gonna happen again, something annoyed him and here i am his portable punching bag. I quickly went to his room, when he saw me come in, the first thing that he did was punch my face, making me hit against the wall,

"Hyukjae guess what, my company is going bankrupt"

He kicked me on the stomach, i wanted to scream, but if i did, would anyone even answer, he grabbed my collar and pulled me close,

"Move out"

My eyes widened, he dropped me and went to the bathroom. I stood there shocked, I couldn't move out, where would I even go, Uncle Youngwoon house? That was probably the safest bet, but he moved out of town, and I have no money to go there. When dad left the bathroom he was angry to see me, i haven't moved from my original spot, what he said was a lot to take in. He ended throwing a vase at me, I ran as fast as I could. I left the house barefoot, in my pajamas, no money, and no well.. Anything, I don't have anything. I don't know where I'm heading, all I know is that my instinct is telling me to run, it started raining, my clothes were wet, the road was slippery. I stopped to rest, when I looked up I saw that I ran to Jongwoon's old house. I laughed, did I actually run here thinking that he would be here to save me, making me feel safe, I haven't felt safe ever since papa left. I fell to my knees, life sucks, but maybe.. If i could, i would ask for one more miracle, i want to feel safe again..

And god was feeling generous with me that night, an umbrella covered me from the rain, when i look up, it was Jongwoon, he crouched down and smiled at me,

"Do you want me to hold your hand Hyukjae?"

I didn't answer, I quickly hugged him, he chuckled and hugged me back with his free hand. That feeling came back, I'm safe with him, Jongwoon is my safe place, my guardian angel. He pulled away from the hug with a look of concern,

"Hyukjae.. Why are you barefoot.. And why is your feet bleeding, oh my your face, let's get you to the hospital real quick"

I apparently stepped on a shard from the vase, and maybe running barefoot wasn't a good idea also. Jongwoon stayed with ne for the whole night, telling me stories and explaining to me why he left suddenly and never contact me,

"So you keep moving to another country every month?"

Jongwoon nodded, "yes, it was my dad's job.. I kept moving schools too! I would write you a letter.. But I never stayed in one place you know.. It's hard"

"You could've sent an email you idiot!"

I pouted, he made me worry so much, i guess care about him too much,

"Aww.. is that your way of saying that you love me hyukkie?"

I shake my head, love? Wasn't that such a strong word, maybe Jongwoon felt that way to me, but I'm.. I'm not sure what i feel about Jongwoon. Sure I care a lot about him, and everytime he's with me, my stomach feels like it's doing a backflip. I like it when he stares at me with his soft eyes, or when he talks on the phone with me, or when he sings for me. But do I love him? I'm not sure. Jongwoon chuckled and ruffled my head,

"It's okay if you're having mixed feelings, we can go slowly, i understand your position right now"

10 minutes later, Papa,Uncle Youngwoon, and Hae arrived, they all look worried. Hae was the first one to hug me, he cried saying sorry that he couldn't be there for me, he couldn't be there to protect me like how i used to protect him, I hugged him back, saying it's okay. Uncle Youngwoon was the second one to hug me, it was short though, he told me that i was strong, he told me that i was brave to face all of that alone, he was trying not to cry, i see it from his eyes. 

Next was Papa..

I haven't seen him in awhile, he hesitated to approach me, i don't know what to do but i open my arms wide for a hug, he smiled at me and hugged me, he was warm, i missed papa. He cried on my shoulder, he asked me for forgiveness, he said he was a bad parent to leave his son behind like that, I told him it's okay, I survived it. He pulled away from the hug and told me he would be divorcing dad tomorrow, he showed me the papers that he brought, I smiled knowing the hell that I faced for years will end soon. 

  


I woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night, I looked around, I was still in the hospital room, and I saw Papa,Hae, and Uncle Youngwoon sleeping together on the couch. But i felt something holding my hand, and when i felt it i knew it was Jongwoon's hand, he was next to me sleeping on a chair while holding my hand, he held my hand tightly, i smiled softly, i gave a small kiss on his hand, he moved a bit murmuring something about being tired, i chuckled at him sleep talking, i tried going to sleep again, but i wasn't scared this time, i'm not gonna have nightmares again, because i'm surrounded with the people i love, nobody is going to hurt me anymore and i was sure of that, why? Because Jongwoon is with me, and i'm sure that he would always keep me safe


End file.
